Me a JOBBER

So to all the unfortunate souls, still toiling under the "student" status, heehaaw what a bunch of LOSERS!! I am a jobber you dont have a job you are a student na na na na na....
Now that i have gotten that out of my system. Let me tell you something about my first day at the company.
My date of joining was "Friday the 13th", at the end of the day i knew why horror movies are made with that very same name. The day was a complete disaster to say the least. I was expecting just a mild session with the trips around the office park meeting various people and getting back after 3 to 4 hours at max. But man i was mistaken!
I was at their gates at 8:30 A.M. "SHARP" as was mentioned in the offer letter. I saw many employees err… associates or partners (as the company calls them just to make the slaves feel better and work even harder for their over lords) checking in at that early hour. That was the first shock of the day. Come on, you cant expect any employee to turn up at 8:30 in the morning, that is weird!
Now, after the initial strange encounter of meeting with the regular zomby employees, i tried to convince myself that it was just an anamoly int their system and they must have something very important to do or an important deadline to meet. I was wrong again as i realised at the end of the day. Another rooky mistake of failure to read the ominous sings early!
We were called inside and given the company id cards or the access cards ( to all the STUDENTS out there, this is the magnetic id card which you swipe in front of the doors, now don’t go pressing the cards on the doors of your company, rather find the detector, the thingy with the blinking red light and then put your access card before it and the door will open. Hope you STUDENTS with limited mental capabilities understand the complex workings of a true jobber) and we were directed to a conference room with DELL PCs with LCD monitors.
Now, I thought of relaxing a bit in the AC’ed hall but our evil HR walked in and after showing us what actual OA means, went on asking for the names, nicknames, hobbies, place you came from and college, the animal you resemble and all such sort of crap. I as usual, as the well trained student of IIIT would know, I turned off my attention to the disturbance around and was thinking about more important stuff like when I would he getting my first cheque. But suddenly, in a complete disregard to my thought processes, our evil HR decided to ask me to stand up and ordered me to tell the details of all my fellow “associates” like the date of birth, name, nicknames, their father’s names, their great grandfather’s name, their time of birth and also the exact time and date when they attained puberty.
As you could have guessed, I was what can I say, at loss in producing satisfactory answers which the evil HR took very un-sportingly. Her expressions were like when you find a cock roach in your sandwitch in the mess but to be more precise, her expressions hinted as though she has found a lizard with it’s whole family in place of a cockroach.
She started shouting and became all senti that our offers were “provisional” and that we will have to secure atleast 60% of marks in all the pop up quizzes and the projects which I failed very miserably. She also imposed a fine of 2.5 lakhs for referring to her as "Ma'm" and was saying something about flat architecture in the company which i didnt get as the company building seemed to be quite steep consisting of 5 floors.
Believe me guys, it is not a good start when you start the first session in the company with a failure. But, everybody is not such a cool customer like me. The above mentioned episode had no bearing on me whatsoever and I started to count the number of digits which will be in my check with much aplomb and alacrity.
After this, there were several sessions of why the company was so great and also some of the training classes and a bunch load of submissions of our documents and photographs.
Every now and then, somebody will come in and say how critical it is to secure 60% in ALL the tests and assignments and projects.
Now, I saw at the watch and it was noon already and I was waiting for the HR to say that you have worked so hard for the day and to take the month’s pay in advance. But, the HR lived up to our expectations and was “evil” to the core. She kept on sending loads and loads of senior associates to take classes after classes.
Now, being a IIITian, you should know that we are quite conservative when it comes to attending classes. Any class either too early or too long or too boring or too informative or in a class with bad vastu or on a Monday or in fact in the main building is a strict no no to us. So, as you can expect, sitting on my ass with no enemy bots in the LCD monitors was quite depressing and I was longing to see the sun outside even though it was like 50 degree C. I had a vague memory of sitting in such marathon classes in Narayana in my +2 but now I have matured quite a bit and I know that any class which extends beyond 7 minutes is a complete waste. But I suspect, the corporate companies somehow don’t understand that golden rule. They believe in getting the employees glued to their chair.
11 hours had passed now, it was 7:30 in the NIGHT and the classes seemed to be quite never ending though they had one thing in common. Their grim warning and senti tone of that 60% rule. Man I was so pissed at that time with this number “60” that I was ready to kill Prashant (since his roll no. was 60... hope you could understand my frustoo'ness). As you can see, I was really really sick of hearing the same old warnings but more importantly, 11 hours on the first day!!!
The day didn’t end there, we had to wait for another hour to fill in the bank documents which I completed in about 1.6 minutes whereas the other “medhavi” associates who were mostly from NIT- warangal, nagpur, rourkela, trichi etc. took around 40+ minutes to do the same. And to make the matters worse, I had to wait for those dimwits to complete their decoration in their name and email address fields in the form. Talk about dumb asses!
Finally I was free at about 8:10 pm (almost after 12 hours of hectic job of listening and listening) when it was finally over. But our evil HR wasn’t going to leave us so easily. She handed us a form for some medical checkup scheduled for the next day at yes you guessed right at 8:30 AM “Sharp” in Care hospital.
Now there is a limit to everything, you just cant scare and harass the new “Partners” of your company like this on their first day. Enough is enough.
I don’t know how I drove back to the hostel. I came to the room, flung my bag on the chair and crashed to bed. It was at that time I decided to chuck the offer of this crappy company which was not even worth “60%” of my effort. I think that all the corporate companies derive their profits by "rinse drying" their employees of their blood, making them the slaves in their pointless struggle to achieve some graphs with steep slopes on their profit’s slides.
I am looking for a company which considers it’s employees as atleast human beings and not the proverbial “kolu ka bail”. Really fed up of my first taste of the MNC lifestyle and have decided to trim my expectations and prepared myself mentally for long hours of ordeal in the company I will work in near future (which looks like a far better option than the present company I work for....here, I doubt if I can say that i "worked" for it per se on the first and most probably the last day of going to the company).
Now, as far as the medical test tomorrow goes, they can test that thing on my hand called the middle finger! You see, I want to enjoy the student life for as long as possible before the inevitable truth of life called “slogging for a living”.